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User blog:THEJJRAT/Blog 4
MARK-6 steps over to the car tardis. "I need to talk to you.""What?" The Geth asks. "I've been waiting for this moment all my life," Father says, "And I've been preparing for it." Father pulled out a map, leading to something called "the Resurrection Stone". MARK-6 pretended to gasp, he grabbed the map and studied it. "I want it. Everybody that knows about it wants it. After those...events on Minecraftia, Shrekamus hid the Resurrection Stone in an underground facility on a certain planet. You can borrow it for Shrek, and I'll keep it for other reasons."MARK-6 agreed, he then alerted the others to what had been discussed."We must hurry." Hissed the offenderman."Yo holmes, when we leavin?" Big Smoke asked Father, who was in the passengers seat. Except he didn't look like Big Smoke. He looked like Big Smoke in GTA: San Andreas. He was low poly as shit, looked like a PS2 character."Ooihhh WHAT MAH NIGGA" the real Big Smoke asked. "oh shit" the ps2 Smoke said Real big smoke felt pity for ps2 big smoke, because he looked so shitty. But it was the kind of pity that makes one kill something out of mercy, so real big smoke started violently assaulting ps2 big smoke, despite the world around them fading away fast. Father took out his sonic chicken strip and scanned Big Smoke, looking for his weakness. He then shot cheese out of his wrists, blinding real Smoke."HOLY WHAT THE SHIT FUCKINGG SHIT FUVK" real Smoke screamed in pain, it was hot and melted cheese. GTA Big Smoke pulled out a double barrel shotgun that used Pokèmon cards as pellets and shot Big Smoke in the balls. Two cardboard cards shot out and sliced both of his balls off. "Why?!" I was your friend! I've been helpful to you for the entire few weeks I've been with you! " screamed real big smoke. "PS2 Smoke is my companion, and nobody hurts my companions. Now back off before I fry you in vegetable oil." Father spat at him with a gritty voice. "This is not a time for fighting! We must get the resurrection stone!" Shouted rum-p'ta. S "You betcho ass you will after I'm done whit dis nigga!" Real Smoke said, throwing a punch at Father. Suddenly, SCP-106 appears and slaps real Smoke's ass. This causes his pants to corrode. As this dickery continued 40% of the universe had already been destroyed. Father realized that he had to leave fast."Who else is coming with me?" He shouts, ignoring real big smoke who had been forced to take off his pants. Sep 16 "Me." Said Gordon Ramsey, who had come to this universe to collect rare spices and mushrooms. He was armed with kitchen knives. "Me too" Papa Acachalla, who was still with them, agreed."Me four." Said Marty McFly as he arrived in the universe in his DeLorean. Rum-p'ta wanted to come too. The others also wanted to come, especially Lee and Grimes, who disliked both the zombies and the fact that their universe was dying. This comment may be offensive. Everyone stopped fucking around and transported themselves to where Father Pooper wanted to go. Real big smoke sat in the TARDIS car in silent humiliation, for he had no pants. They had arrived at a local McDonald's as Father did not state where he was going. "Why are we here?" Asked Ps2 Big Smoke to Father Pooper. "Because my anus is smelly." "Where's this stone supposed to be?" Yells Marty from the open window of his delorean. "Earth-8, the planet where Shrekamus is hiding his artifacts. He shielded the planet with BlakTech forcefields, so we need something nuclear powered to get through."Marty smiled, then said "like my DeLorean?" "Pfft, what is it, powered by plutonium?" "Yeah." Replied Marty. "Great Scott" Father exclaimed. Suddenly, Billy Mays appears. "Hi Billy Mays here with a nuclear bomb" Billy says, aiming the bomb at Father. This comment may be offensive. Father used his sonic chicken strip to levitate the bomb before it hit him."Hey, what's your fucking problem man!?" Shouts Marty to Billy Mays."I'm depressed" Billy sobbed and dropped to his knees. Rum-p'ta got out the car to talk to Billy Mays. Meanwhile, Big Smoke jacked off to Sponge Bob. "Why are you depressed?" Asked Rum-p'ta to Billy Mays. "BeCAUSE ANTHONY SULLIVAN REPLACED ME" "Say what?!" Said Rum-p'ta, pretending to be surprised. Since he was trumpian he knew little of Earth TV commercials. "And now everyone thinks I died in 2009, because Oxiclean paid very rich men to get rid of me!" Billy says. "That's OK, if you come with us you can work on trumpus 3." Consoled Rum-p'ta. "R-really?" Billy asked, with a glimmer of hope in his eyeballs. "I guess so." Rum-p'ta replied.In truth he was not completely sure, but it was possible, especially since MARK-6 was now king. "If he's coming with us he'll have to go in Father's TARDIS." Said Marty. "Thank you, thank you!" Billy says, kissing Rum's shoes. Rum-p'ta escorted Billy into Father's TARDIS, introducing him to the other already in there. "Wait...what do you know about TARDISes?" Father asks. "I've been with the doctor." Said Rum-p'ta. "Or rather, a tesselecta that looked like him." Corrected Pffenderman. "I was talking to Marty you fucks" Father snarled, slapping himself in the bum."Um, 'ello? I'm still in here" The Doctor yelled, banging on the eye sockets of the android. "Ummm.." Marty said, thinking hard."I..read a lot?" Marty replied to father. "Where, the Jedi Temple? You can't just buy a TARDIS book off Amazon!" He scoffs. "Ummm...hey we have to save Shrek! Let's get going!" Said Marty as he prepared to drive off. Everyone that agreed to hopped in the delorean, while Papa Acachalla and Billy Mays stayed in Father's TARDIS car. Billy Mays stared into the eyes of the tesselecta, wondering if he could sell it bleach. "Hi, Billy Mays here, and this is the iOxiclean 6000. It acts as a sexual lubricant, as well as a cleaning agent! It has so many uses, snort it, smoke it, smack it, cook it, eat it, sit on it, stick it up your bum, anything! And it'll come out squeaky clean!""what" "Bleach, a sexual lube? Only if you like BDSM buddy." Said the tesselecta as he rejected the bleach offer. "u wot" Billy asked. He then poured bleach down the mouth of the robot, which flooded it. The team of the tesselecta escaped in escape pods (which went to Anus B, a planet in the Trump system) while the Doctor was succumbed by the water, leaking out of an exhaust pipe, thus having to fight ants with a toothpick. "You cumwit!" The Doctor shouted to Billy Mays as he stabbed an ant straight through the head."Now Billy Mays, was it really necessary to pour bleach into the tesselecta?" Asked the operator. "yes" answered Billy. Papa Acachalla poked the spaceship corpse with the tip of his 1892 winchester. The tesselecta spasmed a little, and the Foctor could still be heard cursing and fighting ants. "stupid ass pancakes" says Billy. Billy then began meditating, to become one with bleach. Meanwhile father and Marty had finally stopped fucking around and began driving off. "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM" Hitler screamed, flying out of a portal and bashing through the windshield. "U LEFT ME ON YOMAMALAND". "Sorry cunt." Said Gather Pooper. Hitler skullfucked an corpse. "Yo, how are we gonna fit all these people in here?" Marty asked Father. Oct 18 Suddenly, Father heard a noise that had haunted him since Day 1. "I DON'T KNOW BUT WE NEED TO LEAVE NOW" They stopped fucking around and left. They teleported to Minecraftia. Also Billy Mays had finished becoming one with bleach, this gave him bleach powers. "why the FUCK ARE WE HERE" Hitler asked, stepping out of the delorean. He has minecraftphobia. "This is where the resurrection stone is." Said father. Oct 24 "Finally!" Exclaimed Marty.Hitler just looked around with a stunned face.The tesselecta spasmed more. "why" Hitler asks, eating a cheese burger.Suddenly, a man in a white hoodie approaches them. "Hello, I am Johnny Ghost, paranormal investigator extraordinaire, and I am here today to ask you why Hitler is alive. Is he a ghost?" he asks. "No." Said Hitler timidly. The Foctor destroyed the ants in the tesselecta, and had regained control. "BOOTY BASHIN' TIME" the tesselecta screamed in terror as it turned back on and stood up. Hitler was excited by this, and put a sandwich in between the robo Doctor's ass cheeks. His ass then acted like a toaster and toasted the bread. "What?" Johnny asked, his brain not processing the current events. "I see you're new to this." Said Father as Hitler consumed the sandwich. Billy Mays was disgusted by this act. "New to what?" Ghost questions. Suddenly, Billy realized that he was still in the TARDIS with Papa and teleports back. "IM BATMAN" Batman screams and tackles Hitler. Father, not wanting to harm the Batman, slaps him with a turkey penis. "WHAT" Batman asks. "HITLER IS OK" "OH I THOUGHT HE WAS BANE" Batman explains. "But I'm Bane." Bane says, appearing out of a cloud of smoke. "ur a big guy" Batman says. "For u" Bane attacks Batman as Hitler laughs. Father decided to ignore this fight and ask Johny how he got here. Batman was beaten to a pulp by Bane, even breaking his mask. He tried to fight, but Bane was pure muscle."I got here by a spaceship. The U.S.S Whosyamomma." "Ok" said Pooper as he shot cheese at Nane. Also, the Slendermen and Billy Mays had come out of the TARDIS, for they were bored. They then realized that only those in the DeLorean had traveled here, and just stood there and slapped trees. Bane ripped off the hot cheese from his flesh and curbstomped Batman. At the exact second that his foot collided with Batman's skull, it exploded and painted the ground with red paste and bits of brain and spaghetti noodles. Batman was dead. "NO" screamed Spiderman, who was roaming this land in search of potatoes. He grabbed Batman's corpse, holding him bride style, and sobbing with a mix of incoherent screams. While he did this, the symbiote from his suit crawled onto Batman. The symbiote covered Batman's corpse, Spiderman watched attentively. The corpse twitched a bit, then the symbiote fused Batman corpse opened its eyes and said "I am free." Meanwhile, the sweat and testosterone that bane worked up had attracted a swarm of buttercunts, insects that resemble butterflies but bite and drink blood like mosquitos and are more aggressive Meanwhile, the sweat and testosterone that bane worked up had attracted a swarm of buttercunts, insects that resemble butterflies but bite and drink blood like mosquitos and are more aggressive. They are attracted to violence. They swarmed Bane, raping his skin with their proboscises to feed on his blood and testosterone. Bane swatted many off them, but this only made them more aggressive, a crushed buttercunt releases a violence pheromone, like a wasp. Father tried to eat them, but found that they're spicy as fuck this fact sets his tongue on fire. Suddenly, a swarm of buttercunts arrive and shoot themselves into Bane's eyes. They drained the eyes of liquid, blinding him, he also got weaker as the buttercunts imbibed his blood and testosterone. As bane lay dying, symbiotic Batman corpse simply stood and stared at the spectacle. Rum-p'ta slapped Bane with a bandaid, healing him. Father had to deal with a small group of buttercunts annoying him because he ate one of their own. The symbiote grew a false head, loaded with a set of teeth and a tongue that could best even most rockstars. Symbiote tentacles came out of his chest and grabbed the cunts, pulling them back into his chest, absorbing them, and spitting them out, dead. It rained dead buttercunts, Father laughed at the spectacle. Spiderman webbed them up and shoved them up his anus. Suddenly, Father realized.... "Oh fiddlesticks, in order to get to Earth-8, we need to get the power of Robbie's Kidney Stone..." Father announced. "How do we do this?" asked Marty, who was staring at his hand (that was warping in and out of existence due to Shrek's death). "We must go to Lazytown... On Earth." said Father. "Will there be boats?" asks Kenny. Suddenly, they could all see Earth explode in the distance. "NOOOOOOOOO" Father screeched. "OH NO THAT WAS THE PLANET THAT INVENTED FRIED CHICKEN" screamed the symbiote (who had taken over Batman's personality at the time), a sticky black tear leaving it's eye. "OK SO WE NEED TO DO LIKE FIVE FUCKING THINGS NOW AND THIS RP PROBABLY ISN'T GOING TO END UNTIL 2077 AND THE LORE WILL PROBABLY GET RAPED IN THE ASS BY THEN SO WHY GOD WHYYYYYYY" Mark-6 yelled. Suddenly, Jerome Caster appeared, this just convoluting everything even more. "YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU" screamed Father, who proceeded to shove a cactus up his anus and send him back to his universe. "YOU CAN COME BACK LATER K" yelled Father. Suddenly, due to the decaying of the multiverse, Father's left leg stopped existing. "AH FUCK" he screamed, falling to the ground. "Is anybody gonna answer my question?" asks Kenny. Nov 06 Suddenly, a curious creature had dug itself out of the ground. "Hello, I am Caesar. I have come to ease you on your adventures. I will complete a single task for you, but only one. And you have to lend me your most precious asset. Choose wisely." "Give us the kidney stone of Robbie!" Said father, fallen upon the ground."Immediately." Added symbiotic Batman corpse. "What will you give me in return?" asked the awful creature. Nov 07 The group thought hard about this. They decided that each member would present something to Caesar and let him choose the best thing. "I'd give you...my penis." Said symbiotic Batman corpse."A boat?" Asked Kenny. "NOOOOOOOOO" screamed Batman within his mind, he couldn't control himself because of the alien on his body. "I'll give you my stolen Mary Jane's underwear." said Spiderman. "I'll give you my recipe for fish fingers and custard, along with a synthetic clone of Amy Pond that I fuck daily in the TARDIS restroom." The Doctor said, crying because of his decision. "I'll give you the nuclear launch codes for our entire country. " said Obama, who was in the group the whole time but nobody noticed. "I'll give you my six petabyte porn-filled haddrive." the brave Mark-6 said. Rum-p'ta thought for a moment... "I'll give you jalapeno cheddar sausage" said Papa Acachalla. "I'll lend you my entire anus." said Gordon Ramsey. Nov 07 "I'll give you my shrimp sAndwich" said SCP-106. "I'd give you my mask, but it'd be extremely painful." said Bane. "I'll give you a small loan of a million dollars, or some uranium." Said Rum-p'ta. "Hmm..." said Caesar. He pondered about these objects. "I'll take 106's shrimp sandwich and the robo's porn." he said, stealing the objects. He then generated the kidney stone before them, it handing in Rum-p'ta's hand. "BUT WAIT" Caesar screamed. "what" asked everyone. "Your gift does not come without badness or something. I now convolute your group even further." he said, opening a portal to another universe, a woman wearing NCR ranger armor and a strange creature falling through. He then vanishes. The creature then pisses on the woman. April kicks the creature as punishment April kicks the creature as punishment. As Rum-p'ta hands the kidney stones to father pooper Batman symbiotic corpse wonders whether he should destroy the woman and her creature, for Caesar said they were for convoluting the group. Obama didn't like this idea so he slapped Batman. Batman, not approving of this, grows a sticky symbiote cock and beats Obama wIth it. Meanwhile, April was apologizing to her pet. She must've taken too much jet. "CHEEKI BREEKI IV DAMKE" screamed Obama as he revealed that he was actually a stalker, firing at Batman via AK-47 with vodka bullets. Rum-p'ta points the cheese at the Obama stalker. a day ago Obama eats the cheese, Batman having a seizure. "Noo!" Screams Rum-p'ta, his magic weapon given by Shrek was destroyed. Rum-p'ta punches Obama stalker, giving him a concussion. He then jumps on top of him and stabs into his chest, determined to pull the gun out of his ribcage. "Silly Rum-p'ta, use a knife." Says MARK-6 as he hands him a knife that he had for some reason."Thanks." Said Rum-p'ta, who finally managed to retrieve the cheese/ gun. "Ok, no more screwing around, let's get this Shreks-cue done with." Said Father Pooper. 19 hours ago This comment may be offensive. "ok" said Rum-p'ta who suddenly got anus cancer. "WHAT DO I DO" he sobbed. He had anus cancer. "stop being a fucking cunt" said Pink Guy who then licked his anus and cured it. "thanks" "shut the fuck up nobody even wants you here" he said as he moonwalked into the sunset. Suddenly, Father realized that his entire family was dead on the now exploded Earth and fell on his knees, sobbing. "What in the hell is this place.." April asked herself, looking around. In all her days wandering the wasteland, she had never seen such a sight. I mean, it's a bunch of fucking cubes. Her snork then growled and pooped on the floor. Papa Acachalla, who had somehow wandered off the TARDIS and got here, decided to wander off and find signs of life. He would go on to become a feared pirate, pillaging lands and ransacking villages, taking over half of the planet before traveling into outer space and returning home. "Okay can we please stopnfucjing AROUND" asked Father, tears in his eyes. Everyone agreed and stuffed themselves into the trunk of the Delorean. "that ain't gon work niggas" said Spiderman who injected himself with a serum that would make his organic webbing shoot shrink ray webbing. He then shot everyone, shrinking them into tiny baby men and then stuck them inside of the trunk. Except he put them inside of the front thing that I cant remember the name of, them exploring the engine and getting lost within the car. Spiderman crawled under the car, webbing himself on the bottom roof thing. "ok let's go" said Father who got in the passengers seat with Marty. Mark-6 and Rum-p'ta got in the back, conversing with themselves and talking about life stories and gossip. "Doc installed some upgrades, we can travel through dimensions and universes now. So, where to?" Marty asked. "Earth-8." replied the traumatised Father, who was looking at pictures of his now deceased children on his sonic chicken tender(?) that acted as an iPhone. Marty was ready to drive away, pressing buttons on the dashboard. "Wait!" yelled April, who now realized that everyone was about to enter another fucking universe. "STOP THE CAR" Rum-p'ta screamed, but it was too late. April threw a blink grenade at the car, teleporting inside of the car and shrinking. Her snork, not knowing what the fuck just happened, poops on the ground. By now, the DeLorean was now traveling throughout the Vortex. Everyone was a bit dazed from the lights of the vortex.After a minute and 32 seconds the vortex ended, they found themselves in a rocky valley on earth-8. Father kicked open the door, falling out while smoke escaped the car. He vomited on the ground, bits of fried fish and lasagna in the substance. In the car.... April groaned, grasping her metal helmet before remembering what happened, pressing some buttons on the side of her helmet and turning her red helmet lens on. She moved her torso up, seeing men around a fire made from pubic hair and gasoline. They sat on logs made from torn off metal, corroded by 106 sitting on them. "Ah, the stormtrooper is awake." Bane said, tweaking his mask with a pair of tweezers. "Ah, marvelous." replied the Doctor, who was roasting a glob of shit April's snork made earlier. Kenny made a thumbs up at Bane before returning to his homemade boat he was building. Batman was silent, roasting a piece of his own skin (the symbiote) as he was hungry as fuck. Hitler was working on Mein Kampf 2 with a piece of metal covered with semen on the metal floor while Johnny Ghost banged his head into the wall. "W-where am I?" she asks. "You're in here. A car. We dragged you along with us in case we never escaped and had to repopulate." replied Kenny. "There's other factions, however. We kept your mask on so they wouldn't know your a girl." said Batman in a deep and grave voice, the first time he's talked in hours. "Factions?" she asked curiously. "There's a tribe of ants down here, they just salvage whatever food they can get. There's also the Fourth Reich, a bunch of military guys who want to take the car for themselves and purge the ants." Kenny replied. "FOURTH REICH?!" screamed Hitler, unsure if he was enraged or overjoyed. "Oh boy, you set 'em off. You agreed not to tell!" said Bane. "Well I thought he was too busy with his fuckin' story to notice!" yelled Kenny. "Interesting." she said, writing down this information in her Pip-Boy. At Earth-8... Marty stepped out of the car, looking forward at the rocky landscape. There were malformed monsters wandering around, screeching horrible noises that disturbed the group. They looked and sounded like they wanted to die. This made Marty feel existential feelings about life, it also made him almost piss himself. "What do you think those emo-things are, doctor?" Asked Marty. an hour ago Doctor reluctantly contemplated the creatures."I'm not sure, but if I had to guess they are either nuclear mutants or sado-GELFs." "who the fuck is doctor" asked Father. "are you high or something" Father asked. He could not see Doctor. He was confused. Bamboozled. Trick tracked. Spaghetti'd. Mark-6 left the car, midway in discussion about grandpa porn with Rum-p'ta, and dug into the grey dirt with his head. He found spaghetti inside. He stuck his robo cock inside, feeling the spaghetti. He suddenly robo screamed, his robo cock full of maggots. Father tried to suck the maggots out, but this only pushed them back inside. Mark-6's entire body was now crawling with dick maggots. Category:Blog posts